Who's training Whom?

First let me explain why I am wearing that tee shirt: I only ever sleep in boxers and when I get up I usually do my ablutions and wear an old Hawaiian shirt I have had for years and a pair of shorts till I take a shower.

I hate tee shirts, don't know how people can sleep in them as I feel I'm choking when I wear one.

This morning, before I got up, my wife put all my shirts in to the laundry which included yesterday's shirt and my Hawaiian one. So I looked in a drawer and found the above tee shirt.

Now I am going to write a little story for you and the photo is relevant.

My little office is about ten feet by ten feet. You wouldn't believe there's a hundred square feet in here but that's the way it goes. I don't use desks, I have two tables which are next to each other in an 'L' shape.

Behind me, and the camera taking the photo, is the window, and as you can see there are two screens in front of me; one is a PC and the other a lap top so I have two keyboards on a tiny table which is just above my lap.

This morning I put my camera on the tripod, set the camera and asked my wife to take the photo. I knew I had this tee shirt on, of course I did, but forgot momentarily till I looked at the shot much later and not only do I have the name of a show I did about ten years ago on the front it has it on the back too.

Here is where I sit when I do any writing, it's comfortable and last week I sat here, eating dinner and watching Chelsea play Arsenal which was free to watch on YouTube.

A couple of months ago I came in here, started to type, when I heard some tapping behind me. Tap tap tap; just like that: tap tap tap tap tap; tap tap tap tap tap.

I turned around, saw nothing then turned back to write.

After a while tap tap tap tap tap; tap tap tap tap tap .

This time when I turned I saw a tiny bird on the window ledge – well it wouldn't be a human being would it at this height.

It looked a bit like a dunnock – small bird - and it was pecking the glass. On the window ledge inside there are photographs and maybe, from outside, he or she could probably see its reflection and it kept on pecking on the window pane. When I walked over there he flew off and into the tree which is about five yards away.

After a while he came back – I think we'll call it a he. He started tapping again then he came to the right side of the window and started jumping up and down. He seemed to be stretching his neck. I wasn't sure if he could see me or himself in the reflection and was bumping himself, or heading himself or what!

Then he flew away – a few times he came back: tap tap tap – then I go to look at him and he flew off again.

Eventually we cottoned on - we bought some bird seed, put a handful out on the ledge and he ate it.

Once in a while a magpie has been there and, whilst they are not huge, they look it on our little ledge. But they don't come very often even though they are very prevalent around here. We watch them bring their young up, teaching their babies how to fly by trying to get them to jump to the top of tiny plants in the garden but the little dunnock keeps coming.

If there is no food there he will tap tap on the window then fly away. We will put food there, close the window and the blind till it's almost shut, then he comes back and eats some of the food.

My original plan was to put a computer on each table but as the PC is quite slow (it isn't wireless) I put the lap top in front and in order to be able to see the screens I had to nearly close the blinds which is why the bird came in the first place.

Here he is – that's as close as I could get. Hope you can make him out.

Two Guys in North Hollywood.

The last post was supposed to be about the following story but I never plan these things. I start writing and I just waffle on till I finish then I copy and paste; so this is what I meant to write last time:

When I was in Los Angeles my agent called and told me that someone wanted to see me about doing a play called The Homecoming by Harold Pinter; now I love Harold Pinter's plays as the dialogue is so real even though it looks unusual on the page and people don't always know what the play is about as most of it is in the subtext. 

For instance there is such a thing as a Pinter Pause although you might not see it in a dictionary. Let me look and see.

Well it isn't in a dictionary but it's on Google - The Pinter Pause. Pauses run through all of Pinter’s work – and they occur in The Homecoming a whopping 224 times. The “Pinter pause” is typically found partway through a line of speech. It’s not a prolonged or pregnant pause of the kind that’s often used to draw attention to a particular moment.

Well there it is and it mentions the very play I am talking about. I did The Caretaker many many years ago by Harold Pinter. The dialogue was so cleverly written that after more than 50 years I can still remember some of it - “There's a café just along the road; I used to go there quite a bit. Oh years ago now but I stopped. That's was before I went away just before . . .”

There we are and I didn't cheat.

The play was going on at the Lee Strasbourg Institute in West Hollywood and I had to go and meet a couple of guys in North Hollywood – the valley.

I had been up for a few roles where my agent was told I was a nice guy – charming, easy to work with – all of that but the role I was going for was a nasty piece of work and the character was eighty years of age. I wasn't going to wear 80 year old make up or anything like that, but they (the agents) wanted me to turn off the charm.

The character was Max and he really was nasty. It was played by Paul Rogers who won a Tony Award for it when he played it on Broadway when he was about 50 years of age – so I wasn't intimidated by that when I went along to see the The Two Guys in North Hollywood.

I had in mind that I was a nasty piece of work which meant I didn't want to flirt with them or try and impress them; I'd be good mannered, pass the time of day but be serious; I wouldn't frighten anybody with my smile. I remembered once I went for the role of the father in the Oxo commercials in the UK and the day after I left the casting session I got a call from them; a callback. So I went in to work that day – I was doing something for the BBC called Goodbye Darling with a very selective cast Renee Asherson, Faith Brook and TP McKenna to name but three (which I just got from the IMDb) and I told the pal I had at the time, Tom Georgeson, that I had a callback and he said 'no way – you're not a dad' and I said I've got three kids at home' 'you may have' he said ' but you're not a DAD; you're just not.'

I understood what he meant, I just wasn't the type. A bit later on that day my agent called and said 'they changed their mind' 'why?' I said

'it's your eyes!”

'what???? my eyes?'

'you have the eyes of a killer. If you don't smile there's a look of a killer in your eyes.'

I told Tom – 'told you' he said.

But they were right – I did a small movie once 'The Swimming Pool' in Bournemouth (which seems to have disappeared without a trace) and I didn't blink throughout the whole movie – yes I looked like a killer.

So I was bearing this in mind when I was heading over to meet the Two Guys in North Hollywood.

This was in the days when I had just started to carry a cell phone but I never used it; it was stuck in my pocket. After I parked I found my way to the place where I was headed, all Raymond Chandler and bright Pulp Fiction sunshine and shadows and then it started to rain – not pour just a flicker and when I got to the place there was a note on the door 'please call 555 1212 (good number that 555; used in every movie, the 555 bit, up to fairly recently – yes every movie). I didn't want to be doing that. 

I didn't know how much a call would cost and my phone could only stay in my pocket free till I used it as that meant I had accepted the terms. I looked around; this was some way from the city of North Hollywood closer to the valley and I could not see a payphone.

It rained a little heavier so I made the call 'hi' – 'you have no door bell?' I said 'who's this' the voice said 'who's this!!!' 'are you the three-o-clock?' he said 'no I said I'm the actor.'

They buzzed the buzzer which buzzed me up.

The two guys were in the living room – one was the lead actor (playing Lennie, I suppose) and the other was a lot older; the director.

'what was all that about?' I said 'it's raining out there.'

'take a seat.' so I did.

I looked at the pair of them (killer eyes; don't forget killer eyes.)

Small talk but no smile, no pleasantries, one word answers nothing more.

We read the whole play – the guy playing Lenny was quite good, had an acceptable British accent. Never English accent, by the way, they always say British.

I have to say – I read it really well; so did the other guy. There was a lot of tension on the air. He read the other roles too. I hadn't read it before but I was a good sight reader and I played it cool. Not much humour and when we finished it was 'Whew!! Wow. That was good man.'

Now was the time to let go, be nice, maybe smile – but I couldn't.

Mister nasty just sat over there on the sofa.

They felt awkward; I could tell.

'If I offer you the role of the younger guy' said the director – 'how would that be? I mean this guy is eighty if he's a day.'

'Paul Rogers played this on Broadway at fifty.' I said.

'yes well we can't take those chances.'

I tried to be pleasant but it didn't come. I remember doing a play on the stage where a tear came into my eye at the end of a scene and when I went off, the tear was still there; I had to take a few breaths and long one out to come to my senses.

It was the same with those two guys.

The director did call a week later 'that was an outstanding reading' he said 'but we just can't use you.'

'Keep in touch' I said.

And hung up.

The Casting Director Casts.

A lot has been written about casting directors and the way they cast plays, movies and television drama, and whether, in fact, they cast anything at all or even direct. The first point I'll make is that the casting directors I know are usually quite clever, sometimes with a degree in English or drama (they may even be ex-actors) or even risen through the ranks from being a casting director's assistant. It's not as easy as it looks; I have done it a couple of times – mostly for myself – for small cast productions one was for a movie in Hollywood, a movie that I was supposed to be in and which got as far as the read through but the money didn't arrive to carry on so the film went in to turnaround which is a term they use for saying it's gone up in smoke.

Now the read through is when everybody is cast and in America it is called the table read; but no matter what you call it they are quite pleasant experiences to me at least; you get to meet everybody who turns up and hang out.

Some years ago I had a role in a BBC Shakespeare in which I had only one line. The reason I got the gig was that I was a good broad sword fighter – at least that's what I told the director - so I had to learn before the job started and get better during the three or four weeks of rehearsals; which I did.

The read through for that was held at the BBC Rehearsal Rooms in North Acton, which I have mentioned before and, to use an old phrase, I was the only person there I hadn't head of; there was Helen Mirren, the guy who played Darth Vader in Star Wars – David Prowse – James Bolan and others too many to mention.

Also around the huge table were the producer, the director, famous and not so famous cast and some not too well known but considered geniuses or even genii, in the profession.

Huddled up in one corner of the table was a group of scholars and experts from some of the most renowned places of education and research into all folios of Shakespeare's work life and repute. It was their job to listen to every word, pronunciation, stress and accent and who, out of all who were seated around, do you think they came up to see when it had all finished?

Yes – me!

One of the fellows (for he was a fellow and not a fella) came up and said 'is that the way you are going to pronounce importunes?'

I was struck dumb ' . .erm . .erm . .whi . .whi . . which . . what word?'

'we think it should be importunes – you said importunes.'

' oh I see'

'a bit American I think your way.'

I sat back down.

'Bit American aye!'

You may ask who cast this production, well it was done by the director himself and the interview was arranged by his PA.

We just talked and talked for half an hour or so. He wanted to know which role I should play and I said William - I had played William in the theatre and it got plenty of laughs but he didn't agree.

I played Dennis and when I got there that day for the read through he said 'You told me you were rather good at broad sword fighting.'

That information plus my personality had impressed him and I think that's the way to cast.

But the most important thing to me, when I cast my play in 2016, was the fact that as soon as I cast someone to play my daughter and she agreed and we did the deal she was in the most powerful position in the scheme of things. From the moment I cast her I was relying on her to play the role. Maybe most directors don't realise that but it's a fact.

I was up for a movie in Los Angeles and when I arrived at the casting session there were over fifty people there for the job; boys and girls.

They were working as quickly as they could; we went in, had a quick word with the director then I filmed a scene with a girl – I say a girl which, I suppose, is not quite politically correct but who gives a stuff - but she was young enough to play my daughter and old enough to vote. They were casting for both roles and the story was about a father who kept the daughter in a confined way as some kind of obsession and I had to use an American accent.

A week later I got a call back and when I arrived I sat with two of the contenders for the daughter. A little while later a well known actor arrived – well known in Hollywood as I had seen him being interviewed on TV but no movie star or anything like that.

He didn't look at me but chatted to someone who worked there asking if he could sit somewhere else in private – I thought that was a bit of a cheek – and they put him into the casting director's office as he was with the director.

So it was between the two of us.

After a few minutes David Carradine came in and I thought well that's it then I might as well go home, but he came up to the girl that I was going in with and said 'I need a pee!'

He had been waiting in the car for her outside.

So it was between the two of us after all – well I didn't get it. 

I got on well with the director, we both did some good work in there, she produced tears and we got on really well.

A week or so later I went to the Pantages Theatre to see a musical – Miss Saigon, I think it was – and as we were in the foyer the casting director came up to me and said 'you were their other guy' which I think about sums me up.

The rhine in Spine!

Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady.

Hey – sorry to have been away for so long. Lots of other things on my mind recently – apart from Brexit - and that will be the last time I mention it in this post.

But it's a funny world – I looked on line yesterday and saw that a luxury hotel in Pakistan had been invaded by a couple of gun toting terrorists. I looked on TV, at the news, and the only piece of news that mentioned Pakistan was the fact that they were playing cricket against India – no mention of the gun battle.

Just how many tiny wars are going on around the world without us knowing about them, or even having heard of the country and just who is Big Pharma the mysterious conspiracy of nut cases who run the world from some cave in some desert in some place hard to pronounce.

I looked the other day at the figures for this blog and guess what? I have clocked over 200,000 page views – or hits – since I started. So you see, even though I haven't been active with new material the blog still gets red. I have often wondered how to spell the past tense of read and I think its the same, read; I put red in so you don't confuse it.

Pageviews today

79

Pageviews yesterday

40

Pageviews last month

1,155

Pageviews all time history

200,132

Sorry I can't change the font there so it remains tiny.

Here are some figures for now 2.31 pm. May 12^th:

Posts

Entry	Pageviews
The IMDb being sued by mysterious actress. Oct 24, 2011, 2 comments	79
My teenage love story! Feb 21, 2012, 4 comments	15
Are the Royal Family Lizards? Jan 29, 2011, 2 comments	13
The pound sign V the hash key. Oct 7, 2011	11
Buddy Holly, Norman Petty and PAYOLA in The King o... Jan 5, 2016, 2 comments	5

The above are for the week – there are also advertisements placed somewhere within the post – and not many of you are clocking in to them.

Another thing: have you noticed how the word so is used these days to start sentences. By politicians, contestants of Quiz Shows . . in fact nearly everybody.

QUIZ SHOW HOST.

What is your name and what do you do?

CONTESTANT.

So: my name is George and I'm an attorney.

Silly isn't it? It's like saying very fun – just bad! Plain bad English. It's either very funny or fun! Do you know why? Because fun is a noun, believe it or not, and very is an adverb and you can only put an adverb in front of a verb – it 's a bit like saying very table, very chair, but it still gets used, has been in America for a long time, and now it's creeping in over here.

I think they're very fun.

I know, I know I point out these little things out about the language and that you should say you and me and not you and I and I go around misusing the language as much as the next but – the people who misuse it, saying different to instead of different from are the professional broadcasters, who should know better, and we don't have Clive James to point these things out any more. Basically, in essence, you know what I mean. But you will know more when my people talk to your people!!!

So that's it for now and I won't leave it so long before the next piping hot piece of pure poetical particularization.