Last Day in Hollywood,

We are here in Hollywood for only one more day; tomorrow we take the train to New York so my next blog will come from somewhere between here and there – if they have wi-fi on board.

The apartment now is empty and bear and we will be sleeping on the mattress for the third night on the trot.

The mattress is in exactly the same place as the bed used to be and when my wife got out of bed yesterday morning she looked about eight feet high – I had forgotten I was a few feet lower.

Our moving sale didn't do very well – we sold the bedroom suite but nothing else big; we sold a lot of small stuff though and a few books.

The trouble was there is nowhere to park around here; you can only park outside if you have a permit so the stuff had to go to a thrift shop. Not many of them collect so we had to make many phone calls.

At one time it was the easiest place to park but Runyan Canyon became so popular that various people campaigned to get the parking stopped outside their houses - one of them Sheryl Crow; when she got the parking stopped everybody jumped on the band wagon so thanks Sheryl - thanks for the bad moving sale.

At the moment I am taking the rest of the stuff to the Goodwill thrift shop on Beverly Blvd in the Fairfax district as the people on Tuesday couldn't get it all into their van; I've done two trips and one trip to Glendale to drop some books in my friend's house.

I'm only writing this because my wife has nipped out and wants to come on the next run.

There she is above dusting the bed after we took the box spring and the mattress off - yes dusting!!

I will have to go and look for her now so until I write again when in transit – in the meantime there is our empty apartment - as empty as it was when we came here all those years ago; toodleloo!

The Comedians

Jack Benny

Dave Allen

Johnny Vegas

Norman Evans

Well thanks very much for the support – I had a lot of private e-mails about the show and about the progress of my voice and in the finishing up we had a good weekend.

I am writing this at three thirty in the morning as we are rushed off our feet with packing and arranging things for the big move back to the UK; it's going to be an adventure for us as we are taking the train from Los Angeles to New York which takes three days, before taking the ship.

We have a stop over in Chicago for six hours so we must take advantage of that; I don't think I'll have time to take in some blues but if there is a chance I'll try.

I also want to try and get on a tourist bus for a guided tour of the city. I am much more interested in seeing where Al Capone lived or where the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre occurred than trying to blend in with the locals. Tourists look like tourists; it's the way they carry their cameras and the way they try and blend in and in any case there's nothing wrong with being a tourist.

Back to the weekend: I really enjoyed the show and learned a lot. I didn't break any box office records but I had decent houses and a lot of my friends came and it was great seeing them after the show.

Nothing is written in stone but I think the script is the way I like it.

For those who don't know what it's about – and why should you? - it's about a comedian who has an 'out of body' experience and sees himself doing his act; he eventually realises what he is which is just like the other 'old school' comedians of his generation with their old ways trying to be hip.

The old comedians would never touch the microphone like the newer ones do today; the new ones walk around the stage with the microphone in their hand which is something you would never see Jack Benny do as he knew what to do with his hands.

There is a famous play called The Comedians by Trevor Griffiths which is set in a comedy school. It was a hit in the West End and on Broadway in the seventies. It deals with the young comedian who doesn't know what to do with his hands taking the microphone off the stand and holding it; some of the play is very funny and sad and has scenes of the 'students' taking the mic off the stand and leaning against it.

Isn't it strange that it's pronounced as mike and spelt mic?

My comedian, Eddie Ramone, also uses the Eff word for the first time on stage as he is trying to be 'dangerous' as he puts it; I got this idea from seeing a very famous comedian at a roast using it like the other younger comics do and it didn't seem to fit; he looked embarrassed.

The top picture is of Jack Benny whom I mentioned earlier on; he was a sophisticated American comedian known for his impeccable timing and poise.

Then we have Dave Allen; an Irish comedian well known in the 60s and 70s who would sit sipping a drink that only looked like whiskey (his drink was champagne) and he was the epitome of relaxation.

Next one down is a modern comedian Johnny Vegas, who also gets a lot of work as an actor, who is a typical northern comedian rather like Norman Evans who is in the bottom photo, who specialised in being Norma Evans too.

All funny and I certainly do not compare myself with any of them; the hardest part of my play is standing up and doing the 'stand up' comedy bits.

This is totally different from being funny in a play or a movie – I always knew it was it has just been confirmed to me that's all.

Oh why not – here is a picture of me as Eddie Ramone.

Eddie Ramone

The 2 Sides of Eddie Ramone.

I have a few minutes to spare whilst waiting for a phone call so I can do a quick post.

I went to see the Beverly Hills Ear/Nose/Throat specialist about my loss of voice and he said I had swollen vocal chords – no polyps or cancer, which is a relief – and it was the result of a cold I had the week before.

I was told to rest it – which is something I didn't want to hear as I'm rehearsing my play which opens on Friday; 3 days from now!!!

As he is also a plastic surgeon he also said he could do something about the bags under my eyes – obviously he had to try.

So I am having to confine my rehearsals to this week. I got so far with it before the cold and loss of voice and I'm not starting from scratch but I am hard at it. I don't tend to learn all my lines till I have worked out how to play them and as it's a new play I am re-writing all the time in any case.

There are a few sound cues in the play with my voice and I had to wait till yesterday to record them; I can't try them out in any case for timing till I get to the theatre on Friday morning so I hope to see you there if you are in the area.

Hollywood actor and novice novelist!

I am supposed to be a Hollywood actor and novice novelist, according to the blurb about this blog, but I rarely take it any further than just having it in the aforesaid blurb.

So we will explore that slightly with this post. People with great memories of this blog will know that a few months ago, when I was in England, I announced that I am taking my new play to London and then to the Edinburgh fringe festival; well before that I am due to perform it at Santa Monica Playhouse in June this year – oh it is June; I am due to open next week on the 17th and this week I have completely lost my voice!!

Towards the end of last week I started a cough and yesterday I started to croak; today I woke up and could hardly make a sound.

I don't think it will last till next week and tomorrow I have an appointment with an ear/nose/throat specialist in Beverly Hills; what he will do I don't know.

Whilst hanging on today on the phone his message says he also specialises in plastic surgery, hair line transplants, non-evasive thyroid removal and – what am I letting myself in for?

So watch this space.

Presuming, of course, that my play opens in Santa Monica okay, and I get my voice back, we are due to leave here by train on July 1st and move to England then on to the Queen Mary to Southampton; Queen Mary 2 that is – we have had a great 16 years here and we are sad to go as we have so many friends, interests, a way of life and a culture we have grown to love – so why are we going?

Well I think I might get more work there; I know all my pals in the UK will be wondering how I'm going to get what they don't get; well I'm just putting myself into the pool to see what happens.

I am going to take the gold that I have found here and take it back – if it doesn't work we will come back. What gold? I hear you ask.

The first thing I learned here is that actors know it is a business and in the UK actors just don't.

If you look at the Internet Movie Data Base you can usually spot the British based actors; they're the ones who don't have photos above their names.

I looked up Martin Clunes today to see how long the series the TV series Doc Martin lasted and he hasn't got a photo above his name. He would sooner pay a fortune to an actors' directory called The Spotlight. Over here we use The Academy Players Directory which costs me $36 per year – compare that to The Spotlight.

The Internet Movie Data Base (The IMDB) is used by casting directors here; it can't be faked like you can with a resumé or CV; well I take that back as I'm sure it can.

So I hope to take my knowledge back there as the only work I seem to be getting here is in low budget independent films and voice matching, looping and dubbing on main features – that and my one man show.

Don't get me wrong I don't think it's going to be easy but I have a few ideas and at least I'm starting with a new play!

There are other consideration; there is no health service here and our family in Britain is getting bigger by the year and we want to be in on it; we have tears every time we have to part and that has to stop; it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't cost a fortune for the babies to come across.

But I'll still be the Hollywood actor at heart and I aim to be back a few times a year and I'll let you know how my voice progresses.