The Golden Globes.

2 of the funniest people on earth.

 

Do I ever miss Los Angeles? All the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, the weather, palm trees, Schwarzenegger cycling along the beach – me cycling along the beach? Me waving at Schwarzenegger – Schwarzenegger giving me the finger!!! No he would always wave back and sometimes he would wave first but do I miss all that? Well I would be a liar if I said I didn't. I know some people don't like sunshine for 12 months a year but we did have seasons of a sort; very hot, hot and not so hot! And I loved it, never missed Britain at all – just the family.

When you visit LA, you might cycle along the beach and think it great but we did it nearly every week. Now all that has gone and I am back in cultured London with the cultured theatre – the last show I saw was Barry Humphries as Dame Edna Everage; now what could be more cultured than that – he/she is a phenomenon – a legend – but what I really miss about Hollywood are the award ceremonies.

Yesterday it was The Golden Globes; now The Golden Globes are nothing really, they are nominated and chosen by such a small group of journalists that they can't mean much. These journalists are the Hollywood Foreign Press; journalists from newspapers and other journals from the rest of the world. The reason it is well attended by movies stars and the like is that it is a huge fantastic party; what they would call over here a big piss up. And even though they don't mean that much I miss them and when the academy awards are announced this week I will miss those too.

I will miss the arguments and discussions with people who don't agree with me and I will know that they don't mean anything either; just fun.

There is no way you can say what the best film is or the best actor or actress (actrice); the difference between the two ceremonies is that the Academy nominations will be more realistic.

So I miss all that; the crowds of people in Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs (the supermarket) buying pizza and beer for their parties on award days, the endless TV shows – the pre award show, the post award show, the after party, the Mayor's party, the Governor's Ball, the Elton John party and all the glamour – watching all the glitz and the jewellery from the comfort of our modest apartment and throwing cushions at the TV screen when Day-Lewis gets it again!!!!

But we are back here and things are swinging along with me and my sandwich.

I love the joke the director told at the ceremony yesterday – the director of Gravity said he thanks Sandra Bullock who didn't walk (float?) off the set when he offered to give her herpes; the poor fella is from Mexico and his accent made it sound like that when he was really offering her an ear piece.

Here are some photos – I wonder what the poor people are doing?

Javier Barden and The Golden Globes.

There he is above: Javier Barden.

Reputedly the new Marlon Brando or more likely the one and only Javier Barden – he's Spanish and it's a Spanish name so the 'J' becomes an aitch so it should sound like Havier!!

Whether you think he's the greatest actor since sliced bread, you've never heard of him or you think he sucks he has, apparently, turned in yet another breathtaking performance in his latest movie Biutiful which has been described as heart wrenching.

So you would think that Señor Barden might be nominated for a Golden Globe?

Not a chance!

Johnny Depp has been nominated for two films that he is in; I have nothing against Johnny Depp but one of the films, The Tourist, in which he starred with Angelina Jole took one of the worst panning by major critics than any film in recent memory.

In fact I have heard that when Angelina Jole was told the film had been nominated and so had she as well as Johnny Depp she burst out laughing.

When you see that people or movies have been nominated for a Golden Globe or that they have won a Golden Globe you will know that it means diddly squat.

So what are The Golden Globes? Well they are organised by The Foreign Press who consist of eighty one journalists who live here and write reviews for their newspapers and magazines that are published in their native countries; they nominate and choose the winners – the SAG Awards and The Academy Awards are chosen by many thousands of people who usually work in the business.

Someone was at a party last week and was introduced to a member of The Foreign Press and as soon as this person was introduced The Foreign Press member blurted out 'but I didn't vote for The Tourist!'

Now to say one award is better than another award is accepting that awards are important and not just publicity stunts but I am saying in the scheme of things these latest nominatios make The Golden Globes look like a joke. People here have always treated them like a joke and not to be taken seriously but in nominating Johnny Depp and Angelina Jole The Foreign Press are presuming that they will attend the awards ceremony which goes out live on television here. In fact that's all it is – a television show.

The Golden Globes has a reputation of being the best party in town so that usually guarantees a good attendance.

Ricky Gervais is introducing the show again this year, I believe, and will probably send the whole thing up the way he did last year.

One of the things all the winners have to do when receiving their award is to thank The Foreign Press – give me a break!