Ramblings of the actor . .

I haven't written many posts recently as I've been trying to finish my play; I wrote it about fifteen years ago and sent it to The Abbey Theatre in Dublin. They kept it for a couple of months and then one morning at about 7.30 the phone rang. My wife answered it and told me that The Abbey Theatre were on the phone; they wanted to speak to me – wow!!.

Sounds promising, don't you think, and it was; they told me they liked the play and asked if they could hold on to it for the time being as a new artistic director was due to take over soon.

Well I said of course didn't I – but that wasn't the end of it. Two weeks later it was returned to me, in the post, with a 'no thank you' note and nothing else.

So it wasn't to be. I had imagined they would do it and in my imagination I would be interviewed on the Late Late Show with Gay Byrne - I would sing them my song The Coombe - I'd get the audience to join in with the chorus and I'd have a hit in Ireland but . . .it wasn't to be; more like not to be

Recently I saw a couple of Irish plays in the West End, here, and they put me in mind of my own play. So I have been polishing it, changing the names of some of the characters, introducing a bit of friction, putting in all the bits of life I have picked up since writing it years ago.

The reason they called me at 7.30 am, by the way, was that I was in Los Angeles at 7.30 am and they were in Dublin at 3.30 pm.

I pick up bits of life as I walk along the street, maybe thinking of the past and wondering about the future and sometimes I might even get an idea or a thought and think about one of the blogs I wrote. So I will look at the figures which I see all the time which tells me how many people are reading my little, masterpieces and I think, jasus, are people still reading that? and so instead of writing a new post for you I carried on with my play and you had another chance to read something you read years ago – if you are a regular reader – or subscriber.

So this is life.

When I walk along a street and people are coming the other way, I try to look at all of them; I do.

Of course if there is a commotion or an altercation, of some kind, I try not to get involved – why would I? I look the other way.

But I am fascinated by people who don't look at anybody, or forget you after a day or so. They probably forget because they never looked in the first place.

I remember I was in a TV series for one episode. I had a nice role but it was only one scene. There was quite a bit to learn so it took a few hours - from this angle and that one - and what about this one - and can we do another few takes on that so . . . I was with the other fella from about 10.30 am till lunch.

Then we went to the bus, where lunch is usually eaten on location, and we sat together, shooting the shit and talking about this and that and what have you been up to - and oh I know someone in that give him my best when you see him again and that's it; lunch over, back in the car and the long drive home from the location which was many miles back to London.

In the not too distant future from that day, there was a screening – maybe at BAFTA on Piccadilly – and after I watched the episode I made my way out.

As I got in to the lift my co actor, co star, work mate, or whatever you want to call him – my buddy in the scene - the other part of my conversation at lunch – got out of the lift.

I looked at him – in the eye – he heard me say hello, looked at me and thought to himself: “I wonder who else is here that I might network with in case they can give me a job.” And swanned away to where he thought the in crowd were standing.

What a pisser, aye? The life on an actor!

The hello from him was a oh who is this? - time to network, not a how are you or even a kiss my arse, he's gone.

He is the kind of person I am fascinated with; so much into their self so much up their selves in fact the kind of guy that people really would describe as up himself – you know what I mean.

How can you ever learn anything about life – especially if you are an actor – if you don't look at people. Maybe even walk around with your hat on and big ear phones on your head making you look like a Disney mouseketeer.

One day I went for a role in some thing or other and sitting there, of course, was an actor who looked like me.

But it's always like that when you go for a casting session, the room is full of people just like you. For commercials it's worse – you get to see yourself; 'oh no I'm not that old am I?'

Puts me in mind of the great line from the original movie The Producers “will the singing Hitlers come here and the dancing Hitlers line up over there.” Or words to that effect.

Now this actor, after five minutes, I swear, after five minutes wanted to know how long they would be keeping him waiting as he had other things to do! In my arse he did!

I don't know who he was trying to kid – this has nothing to do with the other fella, the fella I worked with but I thought I'd let you know that it's not all milk and honey.

I look at people in the street because I'm interested in them; whenever I have studied acting I was inevitably told by the teacher, the drama coach (or even the drama couch) for movement to study the animals at the zoo and I have to say that sometimes it helped – but there's no use getting down on all fours and crawling over the stage!