King Billy's wife, Kate! Am I a Royalist?

 Does the wife of a Conservative MP have labour pains?

Am I royalist? Well I wasn't at one time till I thought of the alternative. 

It would mean a president to replace the monarch and who would that be? 

 

President Thatcher followed by President Blair?

 

I don't think so – maybe even President Livingstone and then President Boris Johnson.

You might say that one or two of those might be better than the Queen but they would have their crazy 'hobby horse' little schemes and skirmishes and would promote barmy ideas like an airport in the middle of the Thames.

The thing is, a lot of people from all over the world come to Britain to see the royal palaces and gardens and Shakespeare. They probably cost the tax payer less than tourism brings in as the tourist spends money on everything from hookers to a room at the Ritz and the recipients pay tax - well the Ritz hasn't paid any corporation tax for nineteen years - so maybe the royal family are worth it.

 

That's the way things are here; there has been a monarch here since William the Conqueror apart from the time when England was a republic and look what happened under Oliver Cromwell at that time.

In fact ask any Irishman what they think of Oliver Cromwell if you would like a thick ear!

So a lot of people are moaning about the attention the news channels are giving to the future King Billy's wife, Kate, having a baby this week; maybe even today; well what do they expect?

 

There will be a lot of other people celebrating it. 

 

Me?

 

I don't care one way or the other. I know it's a sucker bet. 

 

The bookies here have the odds @ 1-2 for a girl and about 6-4 for a boy.

 

I think the favourite name is Elizabeth.

When I say it's a sucker bet I mean how could there even be odds? 

 

There is nothing to go on. 

 

But the British bookie is an honest bookie and they make the odds judging by the amount of bets coming in; unlike the American bookie who adds vigorish to the bet so they can guarantee a profit.

I have written about vigorish before, in a previous post, if you want to look back, but my American friends, who live in America, don't believe the bookies don't charge it here.

So what are we to do?

Some people here want to leave the common market (the EU, I think it's called), become a Republic, notwithstanding what happened under Cromwell, abolish taxes and let the pubs open all day! 

 

Oh! That last one has already happened which has resulted in 100 pubs closing every week; I think I wrote about that one before and if anybody is from Pinner (Elton John, for one) and hasn't been there for some time, the little pub by the station has now closed. It is surrounded by scaffolding and a big sheet so we can't see what is going on – or is that just to prevent the dust spreading?

And maybe we should choose a new royal family: we'll choose some family from, shall we say, Yorkshire or Lancashire or even Birmingham. 

 

Lock them up, feed them riches, send them all over the world, where they can shake hands with everybody presented to them, so they can crack a little joke, look a little ordinary before being whisked off by the men in suits with ear pieces and bulging pockets.

Oh what a life it must be showing no emotion, keeping the upper lip stiff, standing on a boat for five hours dying for a piss whilst everybody has a great time, getting drunk and singing songs 'one' has never heard; not being able to disappear to the shed to see to the ferrets or to the pub or even Starbucks where they pay their employees £6 an hour and only give them ten minutes break and actually charge the poor buggers for their coffee and snacks.

So leave the future King Billy's wife, Kate, to have her baby and, if you are quite young you will be reading about her baby for the rest of your life so get over it – let's hope all goes well in the private wing of that hospital – wherever it is.

In days gone by, by the by, when a heir to the throne was to be born, the birth had to be witnessed by the Prime Minister of the day – that's one job the future President Cameron wouldn't have to do!!