Vigorish, Sausage Week and all those ones.

Plump and juicy Cumberland Sausages.

Here in Britain the date today is 1-11-11; in America, of course it's 11-1-11 but in either case it is a uniquedate. Another unique date would have been 1-11-1111 but that was almost a millennium ago.

It is also my darling wife's birthday who never reads this; her date was always getting mixed up in America where they would write it the other way around; even on her green card they got the date wrong – not by putting it the wrong way around but because they put the 4^th instead of the 1^st .

It is also, this week, British Sausage Week 2011.

Launched yesterday, Monday 31^st October 2011 and organised by the British Sausage Appreciation Society, British Sausage Week is the most recognised food week in the retailer calendar.

A pop singer, Noddy Holder, is, apparently, the face of the British sausage and will, I am told, travel about the country promoting the British banger.

If there's one thing they can't do in America it is make sausages. Sometimes if you ask for sausage in a restaurant, with your breakfast, they bring you a sausage patty; now they are about as good as a one legged man at an arse kicking party.

Why do they call them bangers? Well the best way to cook sausages is to fry them. Sorry to use that F word but it's a fact, and whilst you are frying them you stick your fork in to them to let some air and juice out and this makes them bang – ever so slightly.

So I was out and about, yesterday, and I heard, on the radio, that it was sausage week and went to the nearest place, to where I was, to find a sausage which happened to be Uxbridge. I walked along the High Street and there, in a kind of mini-mall, was an old type of greasy spoon cafe and it said outside 'Bacon or Sausage Rolls, tea or coffee £2'. So I went in.

I didn't expect them to have the tea I like which is Earl Grey decaffeinated – descaffinado in Spanish – so I asked for hot water to put my tea bag in and they charged me £1.75 for the roll.

As I sat waiting for my sausage roll I saw on the chalk menu, behind the counter, some of the prices which made me laugh. Don't expect to laugh yourself as I have a strange sense of humour.

There was a play many years ago – a really good play by Arnold Wesker - called Chips with Everything and that menu reminded me of it. It didn't have chips with everything on it but years ago it would have; just goes to show how times and tastes have changed. There were plenty of salads and mashed potatoes on the bill of fare.

For instance Pie, Chips and Peas was £3.50 – but this is the bit that made me laugh – it was 20p extra for gravy!!!! 20p extra for gravy.

Toast was 55p but with jam it was 65p; also add peanut butter or Marmite would cost 65p too.

Who went around charging the 10 and 20p extra for things?

They also had a very interesting thing; they had fresh sugar on the tables which I haven't seen for years. It was in a glass canister with a chrome looking top; when tipped up it lets exactly one teaspoon of sugar through and into your drink; if you take sugar. I don't. I sat watching people shaking the glass as they thought it was blocked.

By the way the sausage roll wasn't great; it was a round roll – what they call here a cob – and they had put butter on to it; yuk.

So my first day of sausage week wasn't very successful.

But I got to thinking about this date so I have decided to have a bet. I used to bet some time ago but I haven't had a bet for years. I have decided to have a Yankee on the horses. I don't know why it's called a Yankee but maybe it's because it's 11 bets – as with the stars on the American flag.

You choose 4 horses and you bet – you'll have to believe this mathematical equation – 6 doubles, 4 trebles and 1 accumulator; that's 11 bets.

For anybody who has never done it a double is when 2 horses win and you put, automatically, the money you made on the first horse, plus your stake back on to the next horse. A treble is the same but with one more horse and 4 horses actually make 6 doubles and 4 trebles.

In this country there is no betting or gambling tax and the bookies do not take vigorish; people I know in the UK probably don't even know what vigorish is well (Wiki coming up) Vigorish, or simply the vig, also known as juice or the take, is the amount charged by a bookmaker, or bookie, for his services. In the United States it also means the interest on a shark's loan. The term is Yiddish slang originating from the Russian word for winnings, выигрыш vyigrysh.

I know people in America who just don't believe that the bookies here take no vigorish and people who win the lottery take it all and it is not taxed. £101 million a couple won a few weeks ago and they didn't pay any tax - £101,000,000 – which has to be about $150,000,000 – and I know people in America are reading this and not believing it.

How do the bookies make their money? They don't always make money on every race. But they work the odds out by the amount of money that is being gambled on to each horse. If everybody put their money on to one horse they would be mad to even offer odds. Then they would probably offer odds of 1/8 which means you are putting £8 on to make £1; not worth it – it might just lose.

Here's how a double works; if the first horse is 2/1 – that is 2 to 1 – you put £1 on, win £2 and add the original stake you wagered which makes £3 going on to the next horse. If that horse wins @ 2/1 that's another £6 you have won plus the £3 stake giving a total for that double of £9. And that's just for 1 double; you have 6 doubles and if all the horses are 2/1 that's £54 for the 6 doubles than you have 4 trebles which is £27 for each treble (if all the horses are 2/1 don't forget) which is £108 plus £83 for the accumulator making a total for your 11 bets @ £1 each (outlay £11) £191. Hang on – add £54 to that for the doubles. Pretty good aye? Yes but all the horses have to win and they all have to have odds of at least 2 to 1 – they may be better than that or worse but it's a mug's bet to be truthful. You would be better off putting the £11 on to a really good horse or better still keeping it in your pocket.

So here we go – I haven't even bought a newspaper yet to have a look at the form but you will see how I get on before the end of this post.

Incidentally – the date at the beginning is put down differently in America and I dare say the betting will be like that too. They would probably call the betting I mentioned in the example 1/2 but they will know what I mean and in a country where the tax man waits by the machine in Las Vagus they probably won't believe about the betting tax and the lack of vigorish here either.

So to choose some horses: I have now chosen the 4 horses and they are – The Big Easy in the 2:20 at Exeter; Griffin Point in the 2:30 at Kempton Park; Kassiodor in the 3:00 at Kempton Park; Rainsborough in the 3:30 at Kempton Park.

I have been around to the bookies – there is a bookie's shop on most corners – and placed my bet which cost me £11. So now I will wait to see the results and if successful go back around there and collect my winnings.

In America – and I never had a bet in America – they don't give the time of the races they just say the 1^st or the 4^th race but over here the race is identified by the time.

If I had chosen 6 horses that would have been 57 bets and is called a Heinz – for obvious reasons and would have cost me £57 today but if they all win you win a lot but it's a bigger mug's bet than The Yankee.

The first horse The Big Easy didn't come in the first 3.

The second horse, Griffin Point, came 6^th.

That means the next 2 have to win – I have lost the accumulator, the 4 trebles and 5 of the 6 doubles – didn't I say it was a mug's bet?

And I've just heard that the 3^rd horse, Kassiodor, didn't come in the first 3 either. Maybe I'll have another bet on November 11^th – memorial day – which will be 11-11-11 on both sides of the Atlantic and I'll bet they will all come 11^th!!