Cameron and Clegg - the 2 C words.

The 2 'C' words.

I'm at Heathrow Airport at the moment; my word processor, OpenOffice, has Heathrow down as a spelling mistake with a red line underneath it. OpenOffice is great apart from it's limited spell check and I much prefer it to Microsoft Word which costs money – OpenOffice is free and even though I have Microsoft Word now too I much prefer this.
There are lots of free hot spots here for wi-fi but when you log on you can't get any service and the ones that are there too cost something like £11 per month to get on.
One thing about £ signs and $ signs: there are dollar signs on all keyboards in the UK and no pound signs on the keyboards in the USA; why not?
So I am sitting in the middle of the waiting area surrounded by workers from Pret a Manger which is some kind sandwich retail chain of the UK.
One of the workers told one of his girl work mates “I got a BMW now.”
“Have you?” she says “bring me a photo tomorrow and you can take me out for a zoom!”
“Not working tomorrow” he says “It's my day off!”
“Well you had it then incha?” she replied.
Then he says “what's that white haired bloke doing there? Taking down everything we say?”
“Which white haired bloke? This one?” and she pointed at me.
“Yes” he says “what's he saying now?”
“What's he saying now.”
“What is it?”
“What?”
“What he's saying.”
“What's he saying?”
“What's he saying now.”
“That's what he's saying” she says.
“What?” he says.
“What's he saying now.”
I'd better get up and go type somewhere else.
I've got to know a few quirky characters here in the news – one of them being the deputy Prime Minister; a man called Clegg; he went to a very privileged school called Eton where the very rich people of the world send their kids – rich Americans, Africa leaders and the Neauvo Riche but not the sons of the royal family I hasten to add - until Diana came on board.
After he left Eton, Clegg's dad managed to pull a few strings and get him a job in a merchant bank – well an internship which to a millionaire's son is the same thing. The Prime Minister, Cameron, was also at Eton and he got his first job at Conservative Central Office.
The day before Cameron's interview somebody from Buckingham Palace called Conservative Central Office and told them that Davie (Boy) Cameron was a good egg and that they should give him the job.
The pair of them – the two C words (Clegg and Cameron) - have very annoying vowel sounds. They don't have an upper class accent like Prince Charles or RP (received English) like, shall we say Laurence Olivier or Alec Guinness or even Christopher Lee, they have terrible grating whiny and nasal kinds of voices like blunt pieces of chalk being scraped across blackboards and you have to throw cushions and pillows at the screen every time they come on television.
It has been a shot in the arm for the British economy with many television sets being smashed by people who didn't have something soft to throw at the screen when they came on, and smashed their sets by throwing furniture at them.
It seems Mister Clegg wants to pull the ladder up behind him – if you know what that expression means. He wants the old boy network to stop; he wants some kind of legislation or employment guidelines to stop the privileged few from getting a gee up from their influential mummys and daddys; or even their nepotistic Uncles.
He spent the day yesterday (Tuesday or even the day before yesterday as I notice it Thursday here) answering questions to the news media and talk shows and being pummelled by even the light weight pundits – of course his hoppo, Davie Boy, the other C word, is in Pakistan at the moment and will probably make as big an arsehole of himself as he did the last time he visited the sub-continent.
He was last seen in a punkawallah's hut looking for a dictionary so he could spell the word legacy for his memoirs.
I am now on the plane heading for Washington DC.
Maybe I'll write from there or just post this as it is -
In DC now – the same as any other airport on earth – or the planet, as people say these days which I hate – I hate some things, don't cha know!
The post of Deputy Prime Minister didn't really exist till Tony Blair gave the job to John Prescott to throw a gesture to the left. John Prescott came through the union ranks and was active in the Seaman's Union and was part of the old Labour Party; the party of Harold Wilson, Clement Atlee, Bevin, Bevan and Tony Benn!!!
That's one of the reasons Thatcher was voted in 3 times, even though more people voted against her than voted for her; as Kenny Everett used to say:

You will vote for her again
cos you won't vote for Tony Benn.
Another reason why she was voted in 3 times was because the 80s in the UK was a very greedy decade – Give me the money was a famous phrase from Harry Enfield.
But back to John Prescott; there used to be a famous fighter in the 60s or so in Britain called Johnny Prescott; no relation to the former Deputy Prime Minister, who kind of harked back to Johnny, the no relation pugilist, on one occasion; on the hustings, during one of the election campaigns, a member of the public threw an egg at Mister Prescott's face; Mister Prescott, with a right cross, chinned him and sent him sprawling into the crowd. It was headlined in all the newspapers, TV news and Tony Blair called him and asked him to apologise; he refused! He said he would sooner resign than apologise and Blair had to accept that – it is also thought that it won him a few votes.
What would it take for one of the C Words to throw a punch? Maybe they'd have you hauled away by one of their subalterns first!!