The Casting Director Casts.

A lot has been written about casting directors and the way they cast plays, movies and television drama, and whether, in fact, they cast anything at all or even direct. The first point I'll make is that the casting directors I know are usually quite clever, sometimes with a degree in English or drama (they may even be ex-actors) or even risen through the ranks from being a casting director's assistant. It's not as easy as it looks; I have done it a couple of times – mostly for myself – for small cast productions one was for a movie in Hollywood, a movie that I was supposed to be in and which got as far as the read through but the money didn't arrive to carry on so the film went in to turnaround which is a term they use for saying it's gone up in smoke.

Now the read through is when everybody is cast and in America it is called the table read; but no matter what you call it they are quite pleasant experiences to me at least; you get to meet everybody who turns up and hang out.

Some years ago I had a role in a BBC Shakespeare in which I had only one line. The reason I got the gig was that I was a good broad sword fighter – at least that's what I told the director - so I had to learn before the job started and get better during the three or four weeks of rehearsals; which I did.

The read through for that was held at the BBC Rehearsal Rooms in North Acton, which I have mentioned before and, to use an old phrase, I was the only person there I hadn't head of; there was Helen Mirren, the guy who played Darth Vader in Star Wars – David Prowse – James Bolan and others too many to mention.

Also around the huge table were the producer, the director, famous and not so famous cast and some not too well known but considered geniuses or even genii, in the profession.

Huddled up in one corner of the table was a group of scholars and experts from some of the most renowned places of education and research into all folios of Shakespeare's work life and repute. It was their job to listen to every word, pronunciation, stress and accent and who, out of all who were seated around, do you think they came up to see when it had all finished?

Yes – me!

One of the fellows (for he was a fellow and not a fella) came up and said 'is that the way you are going to pronounce importunes?'

I was struck dumb ' . .erm . .erm . .whi . .whi . . which . . what word?'

'we think it should be importunes – you said importunes.'

' oh I see'

'a bit American I think your way.'

I sat back down.

'Bit American aye!'

You may ask who cast this production, well it was done by the director himself and the interview was arranged by his PA.

We just talked and talked for half an hour or so. He wanted to know which role I should play and I said William - I had played William in the theatre and it got plenty of laughs but he didn't agree.

I played Dennis and when I got there that day for the read through he said 'You told me you were rather good at broad sword fighting.'

That information plus my personality had impressed him and I think that's the way to cast.

But the most important thing to me, when I cast my play in 2016, was the fact that as soon as I cast someone to play my daughter and she agreed and we did the deal she was in the most powerful position in the scheme of things. From the moment I cast her I was relying on her to play the role. Maybe most directors don't realise that but it's a fact.

I was up for a movie in Los Angeles and when I arrived at the casting session there were over fifty people there for the job; boys and girls.

They were working as quickly as they could; we went in, had a quick word with the director then I filmed a scene with a girl – I say a girl which, I suppose, is not quite politically correct but who gives a stuff - but she was young enough to play my daughter and old enough to vote. They were casting for both roles and the story was about a father who kept the daughter in a confined way as some kind of obsession and I had to use an American accent.

A week later I got a call back and when I arrived I sat with two of the contenders for the daughter. A little while later a well known actor arrived – well known in Hollywood as I had seen him being interviewed on TV but no movie star or anything like that.

He didn't look at me but chatted to someone who worked there asking if he could sit somewhere else in private – I thought that was a bit of a cheek – and they put him into the casting director's office as he was with the director.

So it was between the two of us.

After a few minutes David Carradine came in and I thought well that's it then I might as well go home, but he came up to the girl that I was going in with and said 'I need a pee!'

He had been waiting in the car for her outside.

So it was between the two of us after all – well I didn't get it. 

I got on well with the director, we both did some good work in there, she produced tears and we got on really well.

A week or so later I went to the Pantages Theatre to see a musical – Miss Saigon, I think it was – and as we were in the foyer the casting director came up to me and said 'you were their other guy' which I think about sums me up.

LGBT

Lou Read

Still here folks!!

There was an item on News Night here which started 'how many cross gender people do you know?' and the article went on to discuss Bruce Jenner.

Well I have known and know quite a few; you see I lived in Hollywood which attracted all sorts. When I lived in Hollywood first, there were quite a few cross gender people in the building and some prostitutes, drag artists and strippers. They were all very gentle people and I never feared being robbed or mugged in the street but since moving out of that building I did hear that someone fired a gun through a ceiling because there was too much noise upstairs!

That building was every thing that Lou Read would sing about but I never saw a Candy Darling.

Candy Darling and Andy Warhol

The next building with the wonderful view of Runyon Canyon and the sweeping palm trees against the expansive blue sky was also rife with the, shall we say, the darker side of life.

Our parking lot (Car park) was under the building and we would access it with a remote control and one day I met a trumpet player (he told me he was a trumpet player, he wasn't playing it) who was having a little problem with his car. He was under the hood (the bonnet) fiddling with it and I kind of gave him a hand. He got to know me and called me Chris and I knew his name too.

Another day I was standing by the lift (the elevator) and he came and stood by me and he was in a woman's dress, high heels and the rest of it, with someone who lived on the floor below us – 'Hi Chris' he said and I said hi back. No explanation and none needed.

I felt kind of good when he went (he was a 'he' as he was a cross dresser) because we both genuinely felt that no explanation was needed.

The person he was with was also, at the time, a man; but he was cross gender. He had been a married man with three children but felt he was a woman and the last time I saw him he was waiting for the operation to change sex – just like Bruce Jenner.

In a really messed up place, his children, who were quite grown up, were the nicest and most well balanced people for their age that one could wish for.

His wife too met a man on the Internet and the last thing I knew they had moved in to the two bedroom apartment (flat) too.

Okay I'll forget all the brackets and Anglo/American translations – oh one more, which I get asked all the time is the difference between an apartment and a condo – a condominium; they are the same only a condo is what you own and an apartment is what you rent. Apart from in New York where they are all apartments.

But when the man on the TV asked how many cross gender people do we know he was right to assume that not many people in the boonies and the burbs know any, so maybe it's a bit too early to have them campaigning for political contenders – but they're quite harmless I can assure you,

The one thing you will notice in most buildings in Hollywood, if you keep your eyes peeled, is the daily visit or visits, of the drug dealer. I saw a few and they were all the same; youngish white men and the ones I saw had red faces.

In a place dominated by the sun the only people you might see with red faces would be tourists and, I have to say, the drug dealers who came to the buildings I lived in.

On the same floor as us, just two doors away, lived a minor movie star.

A really good actor and he would take all kinds of drugs – heroin mainly and he was out of control most of the time.

One time the cops were called because he was threatening to throw his girl friend over the balcony – we were on the fifth floor – but when the cops arrived through the front door, he was nonchalantly going out the back.

His explanation? He was rehearsing for a scene he had in a move! Go figure.

By the way – I had most of Lou Read's albums till CDs took over.

The Men Who Run Hollywood.

There we are above – the men who run Hollywood. On the left, wearing a baseball hat, and red shirt, is a film director; he has directed, among many other things, quite a few episodes of the TV series Star Trek, The Twilight Zone and many movies.

The next one across the back with the white hair is me – and you know me; Hollywood actor and novice novelist - and to my left, wearing sun glasses and the inevitable baseball cap, is a Hollywood agent. He has represented many of the actors you may have heard of and seen work throughout your life.

Then we have a writer: he writes screenplays and is wearing the aqua marine zipper jacket, the baseball hat and a big smile. He has written many movies, which have been produced, and a couple of books and, as you can see, is about to get stuck into that breakfast we were all enjoying a couple of Sundays ago.

In the background you will see The Pacific Ocean and yes that is a man wearing a cowboy hat playing a guitar behind the bullet proof glass; click on the photo if you want to see it large.

Oh the girl? She is a guest of one of the above. She was telling us that she has started to make guitars.

As you can see, we have the best table at the Fig Tree Restaurant and on the right, by the door, is our security 'back up' in the white trousers. He is talking to someone and getting them to bring the limo around with our bikes and making sure the paparazzi are kept out!

The girl taking the photograph is Angelina Jolie, by the way, but we didn't take one of her.

Of course there are other people who think they run Hollywood: people like Tom Cruise, agents like CAA and the rest of them – but as you can see they don't have the best table at The Fig Tree and we do.

Hollywood is run by agents, actors and writers and there we are – we even have a guest who makes guitars but I have told you that already.

Actually I am a guest too, these days, as I now live in London where I am pursuing my career of trying to run London; but there is no one to run it with me yet. My wife isn't interested; she's far too sensible.

We used to meet each Sunday, as above, and report to each other the comings and goings, happenings and shenanigans of our busy week; they still do that – I don't. s are spring chickens.

Hollywood actor and novice novelist!

I am supposed to be a Hollywood actor and novice novelist, according to the blurb about this blog, but I rarely take it any further than just having it in the aforesaid blurb.

So we will explore that slightly with this post. People with great memories of this blog will know that a few months ago, when I was in England, I announced that I am taking my new play to London and then to the Edinburgh fringe festival; well before that I am due to perform it at Santa Monica Playhouse in June this year – oh it is June; I am due to open next week on the 17th and this week I have completely lost my voice!!

Towards the end of last week I started a cough and yesterday I started to croak; today I woke up and could hardly make a sound.

I don't think it will last till next week and tomorrow I have an appointment with an ear/nose/throat specialist in Beverly Hills; what he will do I don't know.

Whilst hanging on today on the phone his message says he also specialises in plastic surgery, hair line transplants, non-evasive thyroid removal and – what am I letting myself in for?

So watch this space.

Presuming, of course, that my play opens in Santa Monica okay, and I get my voice back, we are due to leave here by train on July 1st and move to England then on to the Queen Mary to Southampton; Queen Mary 2 that is – we have had a great 16 years here and we are sad to go as we have so many friends, interests, a way of life and a culture we have grown to love – so why are we going?

Well I think I might get more work there; I know all my pals in the UK will be wondering how I'm going to get what they don't get; well I'm just putting myself into the pool to see what happens.

I am going to take the gold that I have found here and take it back – if it doesn't work we will come back. What gold? I hear you ask.

The first thing I learned here is that actors know it is a business and in the UK actors just don't.

If you look at the Internet Movie Data Base you can usually spot the British based actors; they're the ones who don't have photos above their names.

I looked up Martin Clunes today to see how long the series the TV series Doc Martin lasted and he hasn't got a photo above his name. He would sooner pay a fortune to an actors' directory called The Spotlight. Over here we use The Academy Players Directory which costs me $36 per year – compare that to The Spotlight.

The Internet Movie Data Base (The IMDB) is used by casting directors here; it can't be faked like you can with a resumé or CV; well I take that back as I'm sure it can.

So I hope to take my knowledge back there as the only work I seem to be getting here is in low budget independent films and voice matching, looping and dubbing on main features – that and my one man show.

Don't get me wrong I don't think it's going to be easy but I have a few ideas and at least I'm starting with a new play!

There are other consideration; there is no health service here and our family in Britain is getting bigger by the year and we want to be in on it; we have tears every time we have to part and that has to stop; it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't cost a fortune for the babies to come across.

But I'll still be the Hollywood actor at heart and I aim to be back a few times a year and I'll let you know how my voice progresses.

Acting, writing, searching for characters . .

The other day I went into my agent's office to make a recording; I do this quite often and my agent sends the recordings off to some people who are looking for a voice for their commercial; sometimes they want my voice and sometimes they don't so after I make the recording, which I usually do in one take, I go away and forget about it and if the commercial happens it's nice.

As I walked into the office, which is actually a house in Hollywood, I saw a friend of mine talking to another actor – there to put their voices on tape – and as they noticed me I did rather a big 'double take' which got a huge laugh from the other actors there.

The actor that was talking to my friend said “do you do comedy?”

Now the thing is 'yes' I do comedy – but doesn't every other actor; the question if we do it well?

But the laugh I got in the office is nothing to do with the laugh I might get on stage – or even on film; although on the stage you 'time' your laugh and know when and how to pause after the gag line in case you 'step on' the next line and in film you are left to the sense of humour of the editor which is why some editors are good at comedy and others good at action and drama; by the way most of the really great actors look for comedy in everything and the others usually have their heads stuck up their own arses; nothing is that serious!

Going back to that actor in the office, he went on to suggest that I put the big double take into my repertoire for future reference; well it was already there, if I have such a thing as a repertoire, but I try to approach everything with a fresh perspective – or at least I think so or try to.

The guy went on to say that he sits and people watches to find characters; I people watch a lot but not to find characters; I do it for fun especially when I'm with my wife; we even give the people dialogue and we were doing it before we saw Woody Allen doing it in Annie Hall.

I've also heard the phrase 'I go into actor's mode' or 'writer's mode' – well I don't.

I think if I did that I wouldn't be taking part in life. I'm one of those people who like people and spying on them would spoil the fun – it's a bit like being analytical about sex; how can you enjoy sex if you are doing it for research?

So when I write stories of my experiences and other things from the past they are there in my memory and when I write them I am sure some of the experiences are how I remember them and not a hundred percentage accurate.

When I was in Scotland, many years ago, on the SAS course I wrote about here while back, I was going through a forest with my pal 'Gary;' we were carrying SLR rifles and a small pack and we were trying to find our way back to the rendezvous where we were told to join the other troops.

As we walked through the forest we heard gun shots and they were being aimed in our direction. First of all we thought they were blanks and then it became clear that it was live ammunition so we dropped and took cover.

We looked at each other not quite believing what was going on; the shots continued for a few seconds, which felt like hours, and then one of us spotted a target on the ground not too far from us.

We shouted 'stop firing' or whatever and the shooting stopped.

Then we heard some kind of reply and went walking towards the voice.

It was coming from a middle aged gentleman, I seem to remember him being dressed in tweeds and hat, with a rifle. I don't know what he must have thought when he saw us walking towards him carrying our weapons as he probably didn't know they were unloaded but we had a chat and went on our way.

I spoke to my pal 'Gary' via Skype on his desert island (as my friend David Delderfield called it) last year and he mentioned it and I said 'there he was firing at us with his SLR and 'Gary' said 'it had a bolt action.'

For all of those years I thought we had compared our rifles and that they were the same but he was actually using a bolt action .303 – the same as I used in the army cadets.

So it shows how wrong you can be.

Another post I wrote was about my friend almost drowning and is true but another friend of mine, from those days, thought it was him that almost drowned. Well it might have been but not the day I was there; the day I was there it was Freddie Bishop.

When I was about 20 I went to the doctors and as I sat in the waiting room who should walk in but Freddie Bishop. Still the same kind of shy kid and we were within 200 yards of the swimming pool where he nearly drowned.

He sat next to me and was as quiet as he had been before; his big problem, looking back, is that he had no confidence.

At school people would make fun of him as he didn't know anything about sex and didn't know how women had babies. He might have been too shy to admit to knowing anything about the facts of life and sometimes other kids were cruel to him.

He was a good footballer and a pretty good bowler at cricket. One thing you have to do, as a bowler, is appeal for LBW; if you don't appeal the umpire will not give the batsman as being out.

So Freddie would have done better as a bowler if he's learned to shout an appeal - 'HowZat?” you shout and the umpire will either shake his head or stick his forefinger in the air which says to the batsman 'On your way!”

I hadn't seen Freddie, on that day in the doctor's waiting room, for 5 years as we had both left school at the age of 15, and I wondered what he had been doing, what he had been up to.

The shy boy who didn't know anything about sex at the age of 20 was married with 4 children; so that's what he'd been doing so somebody must have told him!

Hollywood, London and Edinburgh.

Well didn't I forget to write a blog today (yesterday now) after saying the other day that Thursdays was my best day for hits; so all those Thursday people missed out or, should I say, I missed out on their hits.

So what is this really?

I write it down here and it comes out there; on your computer. I don't think we stop and think about the wonders of science and technology; I get hits from India and China in seconds and replies to e-mails almost straight away from there too. It make me wonder why I don't get replies from people just down the street as fast.

I'm due to go to London next Thursday for a couple of weeks; I have three things I have to do there. Number one to go to our grandson's Christening on November 8th; I haven't seen the little darling yet; he has two teeth already and I feel terrible as I missed timed my last trip there and missed the birth – his name is Conor Ruben Johnstone.

Then I have a meeting with someone to set up my one man show at the Edinburgh Festival next year; this should be straight forward just putting a face to a name, have a chat and take it from there. I will probably commit but there are numerous things you need to know when you take your show there. The last time I went I was always receiving bits of bad news from the managers of the venue I took the show to.

For instance I had to pay public liability insurance; this was to be expected, I suppose, but I had to pay nearly ₤200 for my one hour per day. Everybody else had to pay the same rate too which means either the insurance company or the management of the theatre made a lot of money as there must have been at least fifteen shows at the venue.

Some managements make you pay money to the PRS for the songs you sing or the music you play – either live or recorded – and sometimes you don't. I suppose the places where you don't have to pay are usually the places with a music licence and they pay PRS with their licence fee.

I do some songs in the show which I wrote myself and I arrange some traditional ones and that money comes back to me as I'm a PRS member so it's nice to know that someone has my back.

The other plan I have is to shoot a pilot for a comedy series in London in the Spring of next year; I'll be looking for a DP or, as they say in Britain, a DOP – Director of Photography. He's the most important guy in a film crew.

A friend of mine did his first movie with Michael Winner in New York many years ago; everybody called him Mr Winner and the only person he called mister was the DP; so my friend realised straight away how important the DP was.

In England a film crew usually calls the director 'governor' or 'gov' for short; they don't do that here. When Michael Caton-Jones first came here he tried to get them to call him governor but they wouldn't.

Apart from that the film making is exactly the same here as in the UK; the crews in Hollywood have the reputation of being the best in the world – so do the crews inLondon. I have no preference but I have noticed that a lot of the big budget movies get made in London; things like Star Wars, the Indiana Jones series and the James Bond series to name three and a lot of films made in Hollywood do their post production in London too; some films made in London get their post production here by the same token.

But it usually has nothing to do with which place has the better crew – it's usually some kind of tax break or other incentive.

They were all set in Scotland to shoot Brave Heart some years ago but suddenly the Irish Government came in with a deal for the film company and the production went there; they even supplied the Irish army as extras. And what happened to the Scottish money? They made Rob Roy.

By the way no news about the bloody street incident from Sunday evening; it shows how many violent incidents happen here that don't even make the news. Today two people were shot at a Synagogue in North Hollywood and the police cordoned off Sunset Boulevard at about 4.00 this afternoon and surrounded a motel to no avail.

My wife works near there and didn't notice a thing; also two aircraft collided in mid air off the Californian coast; the crash may have involved a Coast Guard plane and a Marine helicopter carrying nine crew members. A search has been launched and debris has been spotted about 15 miles off San Clemente Island.

So we're not without incident here – there's usually some kind of news circus going on but there's not much happening on that front at the moment. The owner of the Dodgers, Frank McCourt (no relation to the late great writer) and his wife are filing for a divorce and of course we have Polanski hovering in the background. And we've just heard news that Dennis Hopper has been diagnozed with prostate cancer - so our thoughts are with him.

So that's it – didn't quite make Thursday; it's a coldish Los Angeles night at 59° and the forecast is 74 for tomorrow leading up to 80 on Sunday.
This is going on at the moment here in good old LA:

Have you ever farted in a supermarket?

I love living in Hollywood because it is a crazy place – it really is and it's unlike anywhere I have ever lived; when I say Hollywood I don't mean Hollywood the movie capital of the world I mean the actual small city of Hollywood itself – a city that doesn't really exist because it isn't a city at all. It has tried to be one but they voted against it so my home address is officially Los Angeles - but it's really Hollywood.

Hollywood has its sleazy places but that's not where we live; we live right near Runyon Canyon and the view from our window is spectacular. Walking outside, and from here to the canyon, the streets are lined palm trees, jacaranda trees, and trees I don't even know the names of, and some very pleasing 1950s type of architecture; it is neither urban nor suburban and when you are in the canyon, or climbing over it which I do occasionally, it is like being miles away from anywhere as you don't see or hear any traffic; there is plenty of greenery notwithstanding the climate and plenty of wild life including rattle snakes - very rarely seen; coyotes - heard and not seen; and humming birds which I see every day and they are beautiful. One day I actually saw a woodpecker; an actual woodpecker after spending my whole life only hearing them.

When I go over the canyon I think of the times when they probably shot movies in canyons like that and I can imagine Hopalong Cassidy movies being shot there and I can see where an Indian might hide waiting to ambush the cowboys and things like that; but then I'm brought back down to earth again when I see and hear the helicopters overhead.

Lots of days we look over the canyon, from where we live, and we see hawks circling the from a great height and watch them swoop to catch their prey; one time last year there was a great big bird sitting on top of one of the trees. We couldn't quite make out what it was even with a strong pair of binoculars. I think we decided it was an eagle but I'm still not sure; it couldn't have been anything else as it was bigger than the hawks. The other birds seemed to be worried about the eagle and they were flying around squawking and twittering and generally trying to annoy it.

They would fly right up to the eagle and then fly away and then suddenly the eagle took flight; when it did this the other birds started to attack it; not the hawks just the little birds. They were trying to get near it and bother it and when we were looking at this it was happening directly above against the clear blue sky and reminded me of some footage I had seen of the RAF fighting the Germans in dog fights during the second world war.

On Sunset Boulevard, which is about ten minutes walk from here, there is 'Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs'; not that I walk to Ralphs much as I usually have shopping to carry. It is called 'Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs' because there are lots of recording studios nearby and when they finish recording, pop stars have been known to go to Ralphs to pick up the odd bottle of booze; this is usually very late or in the wee hours of the mornng before they stop selling alcohol which I think is at 2.00 am.

In 'Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs' you see anything from housewives and businessmen to transvestites, transsexuals, prostitutes, strippers and exotic dancers and most of the time you wouldn't know the difference because most of the time they are like you and me. If you look closely you might be able to tell but we all get on well together without a second look; someone with green hair and maybe a really huge and outrageous breast enhancement might get a second glance – and indeed they have – but what can you expect? This is 'Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs.'
I was in there today (Sunday) browsing around and a very attractive girl aged around thirty walked towards me and said “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Of course not.” I said.

“Have you ever farted in a supermarket?”

Now what am I going t say to that – what would you say?

“Have I ever what?” I replied.

“Farted.”

She said farted with the accent of David Letterman; very polite maybe more like how Christopher Reeve would say it when he played Superman; but she didn't say 'sir' like they might have.

“I thought that's what you said.”

“Have you?” she repeated,

“Well....” I said “ . . maybe I don't want to answer.”

“Why not?”

“Well why would you want to know.”

“I just want to know.”

I could see that there was a fella standing behind her holding on to his shopping cart with a twinkle in his eye.

“Are you two together?” I asked.

“No” said they guy “she just asked me the same question.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I said to her.

“Go ahead.”

“Have you ever farted in a supermarket?”

She nodded.

“What about in an elevator – and then someone came in?”

“Yes!” she said.

She stayed as the guy asked me if I was an actor; I told him I was and then I turned to the girl.

“Are you here by yourself?”

“No I'm with people”she said “but you gave me a good answer.”

“And what was that?”

“In a round about way you told me you did.”

Then she turned and walked away.

Just an every day occurrence in 'Rock 'n' Roll Ralphs.'