Official Hostage.

King Charles I before he lost his head.

I'm still rehearsing the play, learning many many lines but I'm getting there and . . well I forgot to write a post here didn't I?

So I'm starting this with no idea of where it's going to go so we'll see; this morning on the radio, I heard a little radio quiz and the answer was Kate Bush – just a few sound clips and the clue for Bush was our man himself; the fella we all laughed at up to 2008, George W. Bush.

His little quote was typical of the man; he said something like 'a single mother has a very hard job to do; she has to work all day to put food on her family' – I mean I know it was a slip of the tongue but if he wasn't so dangerous he would be funny. I am now waiting and fearing the day he comes into fashion the way Reagan did a few years ago and Thatcher did recently.

There are loads of people both here and in America who worship both of them; we might find it a bit of a stretch thinking of Reagan but no – a lot of Americans worship him. He was an interesting man but head of state??

At least Thatcher wasn't the head of state. She was the head of the government – the Queen is the head of state. That gave me a bit of comfort to know that she had to answer to someone besides the once in a while message from the electorate.

The other night I was cutting some chips – okay you guys, French Fries – and the potatoes weren't very big so my chips were only about three inches long. I mean they all taste the same, don't they, whether they're short or long, as long as they're not overdone or crispy.

When I got them ready (I put them in the oven, by the way, on a baking tray with a pudding spoon of oil) and looked at them, they reminded me of a TV programme I once watched about the Queen's chef.

He had to cut her chips that size whenever he served fish and chips. He would also serve it to her on a tray and she would sit in an arm chair and eat – more or less – from a tray on her lap.

Makes her kind of human doesn't it?

And I thought I wonder if she knows what she missing? Good old fish and chips from a seaside fish and chip shop; anywhere in the British Isles but not in America.

Everywhere she goes she smells paint, sees people in their Sunday best and everyone on their best behaviour – wouldn't it, once in a while, be nice for her to see people as they really are.

I know she's done that after a fashion but I don't think there is anywhere on earth where she wouldn't be recognised – well maybe places in Africa like Gabon or Somalia and you wouldn't want her travelling there incognito.

One little story about the royal family bemused me or should I say amused me or . . . well a cross between the two: there was an MP (Member of Parliament – hi America!) who, when she was first elected, had the job of going to Buckingham Palace on one of the days the Queen opened a session Parliament.

This is a tradition going back a few hundred years; the MP has to stay there till the Queen gets back; take a guess why.

When they Duke of Edinburgh and the Queen were due to leave, the Duke went to the MP and said 'they'll probably shoot you if we don't come back!!'

Of course that is the tradition because one of the monarchs didn't come back; they chopped his head off so the MP was a hostage – now I always thought that the tradition wasn't literal that it was only a tradition but . . .

Recently there was another MP in a documentary on the radio and he said that when he had to do it it was a great day for him. He had the free run of the palace, he could do anything he liked but he couldn't go out.

The officer in charged was asked what he would do if the Queen was, in fact, kidnapped or killed and he replied without giving it much thought 'Oh we'd kill him; immediately!'

Have a nice day!

Good Night Vietnam!

By now everybody will know of the tragic death of Robin Williams; it has been a shock but I think a lot of people were not that surprised. Something had to fuel that amount of manic energy; there was only one way to go and that was down.

There have been experts crawling out of every piece of woodwork, skirting board and from under every counterpane imaginable since the announcement; I'm not going to add to that but felt I should say something.

I have always thought that there are a group of performers – genius comedians – who are beyond talent. In the old old days before TV, movies and the rest of it, they would have taken off in to a funny routine at the drop of a hat. There would be no writer, agent, director – nothing.

These people seem to suffer depression these days and some of them go all the other way to the other pole – the manic one. 

I am not even going to pretend that I am in the same league as that bloke standing next to you in the pub when it comes to expertise on the subject but being in this business I have known a few and a few of those have committed suicide.

I worked with a fella on a big movie about 20 years ago and he hung himself too in his Hampstead flat; tragic. He wasn't a comedian but a good actor nonetheless.

The group of comedians these days who are beyond everything and touched by genius include Jim Carrey; he, apparently suffers from depression and also delivers in a manic kind of way, sometimes. Charlie Chaplin was another one – he was a depressive, according to recent newspaper articles so it must have something to do with the comic mind.

To entertain a crowd of people and having them laugh at your every move and utterance is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I know what it feels like to play to hundreds of people but what it must be like to play to millions all over the world is still a mystery.

But put yourself in their place; a tragedy happens in their family and at the hospital they still have to be Robin Williams or Jim Carrey; they may wish to make a serious point in an argument but they still have to be Robin Williams or Jim Carrey.

I heard that people had written Robin Williams off a few years ago – the same old shtick the same old manic humour.

But you know the trouble with some movies of Robin Williams or Jim Carrey? The writers could never keep up.

Jim Carrey was in one of my favourite films of all time – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – which he had to play straight. His type of comedy wasn't required at all and he was good but it was as if he had to prove himself to some of the suits in Hollywood. But he didn't have to prove anything did he? There will always be comedians/comedy actors and people like Robin Williams, Jim Carrey. Eddie Murphy, Jack Black, Steve Martin and Steve Carell who will always be accused of doing the same old shtick by talentless couch potatoes.

There was something about Robin Williams' eyes which I noticed when he did comedy on a talk show; a certain sadness maybe an unconscious lack of confidence. I think he felt a need to deliver a very quick funny response and sometimes his very quick mind/wit was slightly ahead of his delivery and he would have to edit a phrase or an idea half way through a sentence.
I went to a screening of a film he was in (One Hour Photo) at the Egyptian Theatre on Hollywood Blvd and at the end of the film I saw him waiting to come out and meet us for a Q&A and he looked like a regular middle aged gentleman seriously and nervously standing there behind the ushers' curtain.

It was one of his serious roles and, I suppose, he was ready to answer some serious questions about the disturbed character he played.
But as soon as he was announced a huge cheer went up - even though the Egyptian Theatre isn't very big - and he must have felt a pressure to be funny and was; in fact he was hilarious. His first line 'fucking hell' brought the house down and he improvised for the next twenty minutes.
I always noticed his sad eyes from then on, every time I saw him perform; even in retrospect. At the end they couldn't find what he was searching for apart from a disastrous way out; RIP.

Good Night Vietnam!

The Crickets, The Beatles, The Hownds!!!!

Buddy Holly.

 A long long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make me . . . you know the lines but I have to say that the music did more than make me smile. In fact I suppose all my life I have judged people as to whether they are rock and rollers or not. 

A friend of mine said that once and the phrase kind of made the penny drop.

There are two rail stations in West Hampstead – one overground and the other the tube. All part of London Transport – or Transport for London as it is now called. Between those two stations, on the same side as the tube station, is an alley way and that's called Billy Fury Way. Here it is:

and here is a photo of the man himself.

Billy Fury; great British Rock singer of the 50s/60s.

 

I was walking passed there last year some time and as I approached it I said to the woman I was walking with 'hey look; Billy Fury Way.'

I don't know what she said but it was something like 'who was that' 'who cares' or something like that and I must have said to myself, or even thought out loud, writing as I spoke, 'what the . . . ay?? ' - I don't know which department of my mind that women went in to.

How can someone of my age – and she was around my age - not know who Billy Fury was, not be impressed by all the music that came when we were young?

I said to a good friend of mine once, 'I saw The Beatles live, you know' and he said 'I saw Nina Simone!!!

Didn't seem to impress did it? – he was my age too but obviously lived in an alternative world the same as the woman I was with that day.

With? I hear you say; no it wasn't my wife. I couldn't be married to someone for this long if she was a non-rock'n'roller – it just wouldn't have worked. Marriage is built more on tastes in music and senses of humour and without those the husband should get some ferrets.

But rock'n'roll music has been very important to me and in a way it changed society here – that and the end of conscription.

I said it did more to me than make me smile – it made me very happy. I always wanted to be a rock and roll singer but I lived in a world miles from any influence even though my parents loved rock'n'roll and pop music in general. 

I went on to appreciate a lot of classical music, the blues, Irish music, Cajun and loads of styles but never background or elevator music - and certainly not music they play over the phone when you are on the interminable wait for your party to answer.

When I was a child I got my dad's mandolin - which have 8 strings (four notes doubled) probably like the tuning of a tenor banjo or fiddle - put guitar strings on it and, instead of a plectrum, I used a penny. 

Yes you know what it sounded like and you would be right. Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!#$%

Also we made a bass out of a tea chest; here's one:

I can't remember what we used as a bass string but the American jug bands used similar things and probably made as much noise as we did.

When I was about 10, I went to a party and one of the party organisers asked if any of us could sing. My brothers shouted 'yes! Chris.'

I went up and stood there. 'Go on sing!' they said.

I stood there.

Eventually I sang the Christmas Carol Away in a Manger on one note.

And that was my pop music career till I joined the army cadets at 14.

After one of the Christmas parties there – and I was a sergeant by that time so must have been about 16 – a singing contest was organised; everybody got up and I won.

I sang the old Emile Ford song What do you want to make those eyes at me for and as I sang I waved my hands around. I won because I had the biggest applause and maybe because I was the sergeant.

Later we were going to form a band – a group really as a band plays at a band stand – and we were going to call it The Hownds. Great name aye? 

Although there was a better one staring us in the face.

I figured the greatest groups were The Crickets and The Beatles - both insects so we would be dogs. The Beatles got everything from the Crickets – well Buddy Holly - in fact Buddy Holly influenced more song writers, guitarists and singers than even they know.

When I was 20 I went with my brother to Butlins Holiday Camp in Pwllheli, in Wales. 

Also along were the other two members of The Hownds.

We told all the girls – and why would we go to Butlins if not for the girls – we were a group and some of them were very impressed.

Don't forget we hadn't sung or played together, hadn't even had a meeting, but my brother's mate, Rod, I was told, was a great guitarist and Dave said he would play the bass.

At Butlins I had a girl friend for a while in a girl group called The Crisdolins, or something like that – a Chris a Doreen and a Lynn, I suppose, and I was out with the Do. 

Do was very attractive but her friend looked like Jean Shrimpton!! 

They may have been a kind of fantasy group like The Hownds, who knows, but I did read some time later that a group who were doing well were once called The Crisdolins!!! You never know.

But it didn't happen did it.

I hardly sung again till I went in to the theatre as an actor and only recently recorded songs; although I wrote loads in the 70s when I learned how to do some guitar chord sequences but I don't know where half of them are.

Now what would be a better name than The Hownds? Well it was staring us in the face. My brother's mate, Rod, the one who played the guitar, was called Rod Gilbert.

We should have been called Gilbert and The Sullivans.