Risking your life on the number 27 bus in Edinburgh.

This will finish off the Edinburgh blog; that bus above, as you can see, is the number 27. This bus is a wonderful bus; it runs every 10 minutes and took us into the centre of town in 15 minutes from where we were staying in a place called Viewforth.

The fair would cost £1.20 each way but a daily ticket would cost just £3. The daily ticket could be used all day on as many buses as one would wish to use; the buses have wheel chair and push chair access and certain seats near the front are reserved for senior citizens.

In the evenings the buses are limited to one every half an hour but we knew the time table so didn't have to wait too long very often.

So what is the matter with this seemingly wonderful bus service from Lothian Buses?

The drivers don't know how to apply the brakes properly; that is all except one and that was Bernard.

When Bernard drove the bus you could get out of your seat and feel safe as you walked to the door but when the other drivers drove you risked your life as soon as you got up.

Now it so happens that on most buses you have to get out of your seat before the bus reaches your stop; if you don't the bus will start off again before you have the time to get off.

So when you see your stop coming up in the distance you get out of your seat and walk up the aisle to the front of the bus; this is the cue for the driver, except the aforementioned Bernard, to apply the brakes hard which turns your walk into a trot and sometimes even a little run.

If the bus has to stop at the traffic lights before the bus stop, the driver will have to stop at the light and then accelerate again to get passed the lights and to the bus stop. This will send you on a walk back down the aisle to where you just came from - backwards.

You can prevent this by grabbing on to a bar, if you can, and if not you have to wait for another bar to catch or just hope you might bump into someone on your journey backwards who is big and soft.

Or you can fall backwards onto the floor and bang your head!

This doesn't apply to Bernard, of course, as he would be able to drive the bus with a pint of Guinness on his dash board.

All this might sound like fun and indeed it is if you are fit enough but to see really old people go into a trot down the bus and then see them careering backwards makes you want to cover your eyes or dive to try and rescue them.

The old ladies struggle out of their seats and then seem to have a lease of life as their little legs pump away moving their bodies forward at a speed they have probably never experienced since they were teenagers.

There was a middle aged woman, one day, applying lipstick when the bus went into the full Monty; the full Monty is when the brake is applied for the bus stop, then just before stopping at the traffic lights the lights change to amber before the bus has made its final stop and then it accelerates to the bus stop then stops fiercely again. The lipstick went up and down the woman's face but I find it very hard to describe what happened to the woman sitting across the aisle who was picking her nose; not a pretty sight!

I am not saying that every driver on every bus in Edinburgh drove like this – they just seemed to be. I only ever used the 43, the 10 and the 27 although I used the 27 every day and it happened every time – except once when we met Bernard.

On the last night we had to get our stuff out of the theatre pretty damn quick; so we put all the props into one plastic box; the guitar went into its own box and we had to return a table I had borrowed from the pub back to them.

After that I decided it would be a good idea to get a taxi so after a few pints in the pub – and I sang two songs for which they gave me a glass of black grouse whisky for – we had a cup of tea with a Palestinian shopkeeper I got to know and then caught a taxi. The taxi driver took us on a different route from the one we normally took and we landed in heavy traffic; well, we didn't fall for that trick so when we stopped in that traffic jam we decided to get out and pay him off. So we walked to our usual stop and there was the number 27 bus being driven by Bernard.

I didn't know Bernard was the driver of the year at that point but I was carrying the box of props and my wife had the guitar and the bag of costumes; it was easier that way as the box was giving Margaret trouble when we 'ran' from the taxi to the bus.

So when we made our move to get off the bus we couldn't grab the bars as we walked along the aisle but Bernard drove that bus lovingly and smoothly to the bus stop where he stopped it without even a slight jerk.

So there is another picture of the number 27 going to its bed at night after a day of scaring all the old folk of Viewforth and Morningside Edinburgh; I look forward to risking things again in Edinburgh one of the days where maybe I'll meet Bernard again.

Last night in Edinburgh

Now we have finished in Edinburgh for another year and what a time it was; it was a wonderful time we had and now we are in Suffolk. I drove here yesterday starting from Edinburgh at 1:25 pm and arriving at 9:30 pm; we stopped for an hour at the services in Nottingham and they were pony. The Burger King whopper was really pony I have to say – and for American readers pony is pony and trap = crap.

What happened to the old service stations that were on the M1 and M6; are they no longer there? They might have been expensive but at least it was real food and what about that terrible Krona coffee or whatever it's called.

There is my friend Irv above; he was giving out fliers for a one woman show about a famous nun whose name has escaped me for the moment. She would come into the dressing room just as I was getting ready to go on each night and take the nun's costume off down to her bra and panties; but we're all professionals I didn't notice a thing!!

Talking of nuns - 2 came on the last night of the show; it was a good show and they had angelic voices joining in with all the songs.

On the opening night a blind woman came and told me afterward she loved the show. So on the first night the blind lady came, on the closing night the nuns and in between another punter stuck out for me.

I was sitting near the box office one evening and a huge motorised invalid chair/vehicle came up the access ramp and passed the box office; driving was a huge man resembling Ironside.

I wondered which show he had come to see as there were 3 theatres in the foyer each with a different show; when the time came for me to do my show it was me he came to see.

Rain on The Captain's Bar at the Edinburgh Fringe.

So far in Edinburgh, since we arrived, we have only seen two days without rain. Ordinarily I don't care whether it rains or not but if I'm playing cricket, trying to give fliers out in the street, relying on audiences to come to the show or doing anything that needs dry weather – like not spoiling decent clothes – I like it dry.

Ice and snow I don't like – it looks pretty but not for me.

It's ironic isn't it that the place where it hardly ever rains is Los Angeles and I never wear decent clothes there – just shorts and Hawaiian shirts.

So after I post this I will be looking up to the sky and I will try as hard as I can to stop it raining!!!

Up at the top of this page is a picture of me and Leslie Smith – he is the one on the left in case you've forgotten what I look like now.

We were in the same class at school and he was one of my best friends and he showed up at my show last week; there we are sitting in a cafe just after lunch. It looks as if we are at some kind of holiday resort but that is what that little part of Edinburgh looks like.

He came up with his wife to see the show and I introduced him to The Captain's Bar later and the poetry readings therein.

The idea at The Captain's Bar was a twenty one day celebration of poetry, short stories and the spoken word. Local poets and authors showed up for each of the first twenty days and then on Saturday they had a grand finale when some of us were asked back. I decided to bring WB Yeats into the proceedings which went down well and then my own piece, The Man With the Pen, went down very well too – this can be heard, and seen, on YouTube, by the way – not the 'happening' in The Captain's Bar it must be said but a recording I made earlier.

To lamenate or not the Bit of Irish poster at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Well so far no reviews; it's just hard to get critics in as there are so many shows but Tuesday we noticed that my posters were up in the streets; so you never know things might pick up.

When I came here I noticed at the venue that my poster wasn't outside. When I asked I was told that they hadn't been laminated and that they would come off if it rained. This was from the organisers of the venue.

I put one of mine up using 'blue-tack' and later it did, indeed, rain. When I came in later my poster was one of the only few that stayed up. That poster, by the way, is still up even though it has rained every day since we came here – there's a photo taken above in the Meadows the other day when it wasn't raining.

The people that put my posters up in the streets didn't want them laminated as they wouldn't have been able to paste them up; which is the best way.

When I said that we noticed the posters were up in the streets I mean that up to Monday I hadn't seen any evidence of them. So I called the company that I paid £50 to and asked them where they were. They said they were sure they were up but with the £50 deal they didn't have to say where they were and it was not long after that we saw them; so maybe my phone calls worked or maybe just coincidence.

In Edinburgh today there is supposed to be a demonstration against the Royal Bank of Scotland – the RBS – who are sponsoring the festival. I don't know whether it will turn into a riot but we shall see. I have to go into the city centre later to use the internet at Fringe Central and if I get there okay you will be receiving this.

Edinburgh Fringe Festival Photos Aug 15th.

I thought I would put up a few photographs of the street theatre and the buildings in this beautiful near Gothic city.

All taken with a digital camera, I'm afraid, but we couldn't bring everything.

The guys on the ladder must have had near to a thousand people around them and created a wonderful atmosphere – anyway enjoy the photographs or, as people have started to annoyingly say, enjoy!!

Oh!! And someone has just sent a photo of me reading my story in The Captain's Bar last week so enjoy that one too.

A Bit of Irish at the Edinburgh Fringe Report Aug 14th

So far we haven't had any reviewers in to see the show; there are many shows here to see and I suppose it's just pot luck. Also the audiences, maybe because of the lack of reviews, are only moderate.

So it's back to pounding the streets each day giving out fliers; that is the way to get audiences here and there are many other people from shows giving fliers out in the Royal Mile.

There are also many acts in the street which draw enormous crowds. As you walk up High Street, in the Royal Miles, you hear very loud applause, long laughter – the epitome of lol – from the crowds gathered at various pieces of street theatre.

They consist of escape artists, acrobats, jugglers and a few comedians; there was one comedian who was controlling the crowds with a whistle as if he was controlling traffic at a big intersection – I haven't seen him yet but my wife told me.

There are fire eaters, fire eaters who juggle, fire eaters who juggle, climb a ladder and balance at the top as they eat fire and juggle with the fire sticks.

Yesterday I saw a female escape artist getting out of a straight jacket.

The Royal Mile is an absolutely wonderful place to be during festival time – the atmosphere is electric and it makes the hair stand out on the back of your head.

Some days there are parades; the other day there were at least three Scottish Pipe Bands and the crowds clapped and cheered as they passed.

So I'm getting back to it - I never give up and I'll keep you informed.

A Bit of Irish Edinburgh Fringe report Aug 10

I'm back on this blog; the other one, A Bit of Irish, is not working too well. It doesn't get picked up by Twitter, I can't find old posts and comments, there is no record of how many people are reading it and I have problems putting photos on there so we are on here again and my new list of readers are now introduced to it.

Had a great day yesterday; it rained so we couldn't do the flier duty in the afternoon but the rain didn't seem to put the audience off at all and it was a good show too; everything went well, they joined in and sang with the songs and laughed at all the funny bits.

After that we went over to the Captain's Bar where they have a poetry and short story reading season to coincide with the festival and I got up and read my story The Gold Watch – it's on this blog around February, I think. I didn't have a copy with me so I downloaded it and printed it for the pub.

I got up within an hour of my show coming down and I was the first on; it went very well.

Following me was a poet from San Diego who read a few poems, then a fella from Telford, who is teaching at Edinburgh University, read a few of his poems.

This was followed the only Scottish person to read and he read his short story about a 'blind date' which was followed by an Asian fella with a London accent who lives in Glasgow; he read his poetry which was socially observant and some of it had a great rhythm.

It was amazing to see and hear so much talent in such a short space of time; I'm afraid I don't have any of the names – I'm ashamed to say it – but I remember their stories and poems and they were terrific.

I'll try and dig some more of my stuff together and maybe read another one.

I've moved

Hi folks: now that the Edinburgh Festival is on I have moved the blog to A Bit of Irish it's actually abitofirish.blogspot.com - I can't put a URL link as this system doesn't let us but I'll see you there.

I hope to be back on here when this is over.

A Bit of Irish at the Edinburgh Fringe.

There it is – the new guitar above. I am pictured rehearsing in a hall in Gullane, East Lothian Scotland. A cousin of mine lives just around the corner in this beautiful little seaside village and Margaret, my wife, snapped a few shots as I was singing.

So it's a 'get in' on Thursday, then a tech in the evening, a dress rehearsal on Friday evening, a preview on Saturday then we open on Monday. In between those two will be a 'meet the press' reception and I suppose I'll have to put some trousers on for that.

After that I'll be writing from a different blog address which will be the same as this but instead of the title storyteller it will be A Bit of Irish blogspot etc. I won't be doing much writing, as such, more like posting reviews – good or bad.

Last week I saw a superb film – Inception; starring Leonardo di Caprio and directed by Christopher Nolan.

I know some people will try to be clever and say it's based on some other story or some other film but what story isn't? The bottom line is it's terrific and the music, by Hans Zimmer, will probably win an Academy Award.

The idea of the film is sharing dreams; being able to go into someone else's dream and experience it. To what purpose, you might ask, but if you think about it you would be able to see what the other person sees in their dreams; be able to see their secrets.

I have dreamt about reading the paper and know that I cannot read anything new in it as it isn't inside my head yet so I'm more likely to see a headline like 'Kennedy Assassinated' as opposed to anything in the future.

If someone has discovered something it would be very handy to get into their dream, look over their shoulder and steal their idea wouldn't it? And that is what the film is about.

When you die in your dreams you wake up and that is an important factor in the movie; they dream about someone going to sleep and they go to sleep and dream in that sleep too and dreams on that level happen at different speeds from the other levels so in the movie you have three different levels happening at the same time and at different speeds; it all starts off at the beginning when you put the idea into someone else's head – the inception; try and catch it at your local cinema. I saw it at the Coronet in Notting Hill which is a wonderful old picture house which was built during silent movie times.

So that's it till next week when I'll be writing from Fringe Central – and I'll keep you up to date on the FedEx claim for my guitar.